The Costumes We Wear to Work

There is something I absolutely love and find so fun about Halloween. You get to put on a costume, walk out the door as someone completely different and, for one night, nobody questions it. You can be stronger, braver, sexier, more daring, more athletic, more ridiculous. Whatever you decide. Maybe you spend the rest of the year playing it safe, but on Halloween, suddenly you're a rock star. Or a witch. Or Taylor Swift. No judgment. 

But the very best part? Everyone accepts it. There is something freeing about getting permission to step outside of who you normally are and try on a different version of yourself. For a few hours, you can leave your normal identity at the door and see what it feels like to be someone else.

Which got me thinking: What happens when we spend the other 364 days wearing a costume, too?

The Masks We Wear at Work

So many of us spend our workdays carefully managing which version of ourselves other people get to see. We want to be the confident leader, so we hide that we're nervous. We want to be taken seriously, so we stop being playful. We want our team to think we have it all together, so we pretend we know the answer when we don't. We want to be liked, so we swallow the opinion we actually wanted to share.

Most of the time, this isn't malicious. It's fear. We're afraid that if people see the real version of us, they won't accept us. Maybe they'll think we're not smart enough. Maybe they'll question our leadership. Maybe they'll decide we're too much, too emotional, too opinionated, too quiet or simply not what they expected a leader to be.

So we put on the mask.

The Cost of Pretending

Here's the part we don't talk about enough: masking is exhausting. When you spend eight, nine or ten hours monitoring yourself, managing your reactions and trying to be the person you think everyone else wants you to be, you burn through a tremendous amount of energy.

Then you go home.

Your family gets whatever is left.

Maybe you've spent the entire day being patient with your employees, agreeable with your boss and polished in meetings. By 6 p.m., your tank is empty. Your kids ask you the same question six times and suddenly you're irritated. Your spouse wants to talk and you'd really rather just sit in silence. You might think the problem is that you need better work-life balance, but sometimes the bigger issue is how much energy you're spending trying to be someone you're not.

Authenticity at work isn't just a feel-good leadership concept. It can have a very real impact on how we show up everywhere else in our lives.

We're Not as Good at the Costume as We Think

There's another funny thing about wearing different masks all day. The truth is, eventually, we forget which one we're wearing.

You might be incredibly direct with one team and overly accommodating with another. You tell one person they should speak up, then spend your next meeting barely saying what you actually think. You think you're being flexible, but the people around you experience it as unpredictable.

"Man, what's up with Katie today?"

I've worked with leaders who genuinely believe they're being consistent because they know exactly who they're trying to be. But leadership isn't experienced through our intentions. It's experienced through our behavior.

When people aren't sure which version of you is going to show up, trust gets harder. Your team has to spend energy figuring you out instead of focusing on the work.

What Would Happen If You Took the Mask Off?

Authenticity in leadership doesn't mean saying every thought that crosses your mind or bringing your entire personal life into the workplace. It doesn't mean abandoning professionalism or expecting your team to manage your emotions.

It means your leadership doesn't require you to constantly perform.

You can say, "I don't know. Let me think about it." You can admit you're nervous about something. You can laugh. You can change your mind. You can be direct when something isn't working. You can let people see that you're human.

And yes, sometimes that feels risky. Being authentic requires a certain amount of courage because you can't completely control how other people respond to you. But the more you practice showing up as yourself, the less energy you spend trying to remember who you're supposed to be.

That is a pretty good trade.

So this Halloween, put on the costume. Have fun with it. Be somebody else for a night. I'll probably do the same with my family, and I have the Halloween photos to prove it.

Then take the mask off.

Try authenticity for the rest of the year.

Your team might appreciate it. Your family definitely will. And you may be surprised by how much energy you get back when you aren't spending it pretending to be someone you're not.

If you're thinking about what authenticity could look like in your leadership, I'd love to talk. Reach out to set up a time to connect and let's talk about what you're navigating.